The force of the tree’s
fall subdues the bulldozer.
A monkey stares on.
A banquet of sounds:
City streets taste like nectar
Soured. The trees sigh.
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Edel-White
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The force of the tree’s fall subdues the bulldozer. A monkey stares on. A banquet of sounds: City streets taste like nectar Soured. The...
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When harps fall still on moon-silk beds, And ice-rich seas plump blue-steamed threads, The pale-horned peaks reap thems...
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Those times I drove us off the dirt-road, into fields, where you’d sit still for hours, smiling at the ladybug nibbling your finger pad...
It's really interesting how a lot of your poetry is a praise or exploration of nature and our interaction with or lack-thereof is nowadays. You definitely belong to the Naturalists/ Realists!
ReplyDeleteThe haikus are wonderful-- I especially love the turn in the last line of "The Banquet of Sounds"-- very clever!
Let's take a closer look at these two haiku:
ReplyDeleteThe roar of the tree’s [<--Is "roar" the right word here? Is there a more exact word to describe this?]
[this is a cut for the poem. The tree, once standing, falls. This fits with the idea of haiku. Also the tree's falling could be aligned with the changing of the seasons.]
fall silences the engine. [the engine reference is mysterious. What kind of engine? A car? If so, why would a falling tree silence a car's engine? Or maybe a chainsaw's engine? If so, then I think "silences" is programmatic, because it is not litearlly true. Chainsaw engines quiet when not in use, but they are not silenced. And the tree's fall might muffle the sound but not silence it. One must be fussy in poems with so few words. They matter.]
A monkey stares on. [<--nothing to say about this. It's a great line for a haiku and fits perfectly with the tradition]
Onto the next one:
A banquet of sounds: [I like the idea of tasting the city]
City streets taste like nectar [but since insects, not people, eat nectar, this changes the meaning to something more nature focused. It seems told from the POV of a bee, perhaps, searching for a flower.
Soured. The trees sigh.[<--here is the cutting word and the cut of the poem. The trees sigh because they have seen it all before. I like that, but the idea of nectar soured is a little odd to me. Does it actually sour? Maybe it does.]
I think that these poems have a really beautiful quality to them. Very whimsical.I think the first one is great. I find it interesting that in the second one you began with sounds but the describes taste, why did you decide to mix senses in this seemingly ambiguous way?
ReplyDeleteI really liked the images that were placed with these. The first one felt very serene to me, and I really liked how the interruption was the engine, but the monkey was unfazed.
ReplyDeleteIn the second one, I liked the word "banquet," as if each sound is lavish.
Updated on May 3, 2018.
ReplyDeleteReally loved the pictures that you inserted here and found them very apropos to the haikus written. Also loved how you used the word banquet in the second haiku. Never heard anyone describe sounds like that and thought it was unique and well worded!
ReplyDelete